The Stories

Treemis, what!

So this story is a little bit hard to explain. I'm not sure if it will be very well received. But seeing as how this is one of the funniest things I ever remember being privy too, I felt it my duty to attempt to relay the situation.

A note belongs here on the odd language used between my friends. My buddy Joe, ever the innovator, started using the word "Beavis" to refer to people back at the height of Beavis and Butthead's popularity. Everyone thought it was pretty funny and the trend caught on. Eventually the trend mutated itself into any variation of the word "beavis" being an acceptable form of the aforementioned referent. Thus "bovis" or "brelvis" or even the shortened "beave" came into common usage.

At this point the trend mutated itself again. Much like cloning, every subsequent copy becomes less and less like the original. Mutations like "crelmiss" and "breaverock" started popping up. Eventually referents like "prelveneck" and "stravbuster" became acceptable forms of the word. Anything with a V in the middle seemed to fit. Even some non-medial-V words were popping into usage.

This isn't especially relevant to the story, except that a form of this new pronoun appears in the dialogue. Even so, it's pretty interesting. A friend of mine named Lilah and her friends from college use the word dzawn or dzawny as a similar referent and even though I understand the appeal, I still think it's pretty stupid. That must be how other people who hear us saying "Calm down, broviston" must feel. Objectively, it probably is pretty stupid. Even so, it's wildly entertaining.

Anyhow, when I was in college I used to have New Years parties in my dorm at Columbia. I did it twice and my friend Chris Hall, a Teaneck native who also went to Columbia, started the trend with two New Years parties of his own before I had mine. I always found it a bit of a thrill to sign in 40 people to my room over the course of a night. And even though the security guard knew what was going on, and we weren't really supposed to have parties, he never said anything other than "Have a good time."

The first time I threw a party, in the year immediately following Chris's two successful gala affairs, there were about 40 people in my suite. A bunch of interesting stuff happened, but the funniest and the weirdest involved myself, the aforementioned Chris Hall, and Brian.

I can neither confirm nor deny this, but some contend that some of my guests were drinking alcohol at the party. Without confirming or denying, some also contend that Chris, Max, and Matt Daffney between them finished a bottle of something I believe was called Fire Water. Whether this did or did not take place isn't really the issue here, but what can be confirmed is the fact that Chris was acting erratically.

So anyhow, at one point in the evening Brian and I are standing together, talking about something. I don't really remember what. it's not important. Brian suddenly winced and quickly turned around. As Brian's body turned I noticed one Chris Hall attached to Brian's shoulder by the teeth. Chris had up and bitten Brian square on the shoulder.

"What are you doing?" was Brian's response, delivered in more of a ponderous than incredulous fashion.

"Treemis, what! You didn't think I had it in me, did you?"
"Huh? You didn't have what in you?"
"That's right. Always, never. What, Treemis, what!"
"What are you talking about?"
"You didn't think I had it in me, Treemis. Did you. What! Always, never."

I witnessed this entire event before finally succumbing to tremendous laughter. Brian to this day is uncertain as to why he was bitten on the shoulder, but he too found the event rather funny. Chris was proud of himself. He walked away triumphant. Always, never. He had proven that no matter what others may think, he did, in fact, have it in him. And that's all that really matters, isn't it?