The Stories

Beer on the Cat

There were several of us at Max and Evan's house for a barbecue. I believe it was the fourth of July. Incidentally, we had just finished a great game of full contact basketball. Brian, who is good at full contact sports because of his aggressiveness and apathy for other people's bodies, had wreaked havoc in the game. But that is just an aside.

So we had sat down around the table to eat and we were just hanging out. Several people were drinking beers, others weren't. I don't remember exactly. Anyhow, Joe was definitely drinking beer, and as it is most likely that he did not participate in the game of full contact basketball he probably had a head start on his beer drinking.

As we are sitting around Evan's cat, Buster, had wandered on to the porch. Buster had made his rounds and decided to stop near Joe. At this point Joe's thought process must have gone something like this: "What would happen if I poured beer on the cat? That would be funny. I'm gonna pour beer on the cat."

And so he did just that. (Another note. Joe, had a really funny devious sort of smile on his face when he poured beer on the cat.)

Buster did not really appreciate the beer being poured on him and he lit off without much hesitation. Evan, however, took offense to Joe's shenanigans and said "Hey! What are you doing? Don't pour beer on the cat."

Joe replied, as innocently as possible, "Calm down. It's not that big a deal." He might not have actually said just this, but as Joe has a propensity for saying this in the past, I figure he might as well have said it here.

In any event, Evan was not satisfied with Joe's response and said "Don't pour beer on the cat. What if I poured beer on you?" At this point, Evan began to fling the orange soda from his can at Joe. Joe, in turn began flinging beer from his can back at Evan. What can only be described as the gayest battle ever between friends took place.

Gay fling after gay fling of liquid filled the two feet separating Evan and Joe. With each toss of beer, Evan got more upset. With each droplet of orange soda on his shirt, Joe became more and more frustrated. Eventually the battle ended and Joe left. I don't quite remember if he left on his own volition or if he was thrown out by Evan, but do remember that Joe did not return that day.

When more people arrived later and asked where Joe had gone, few hesitated to tell them that "He poured beer on the cat. Then he got in a fight with Evan. Then he left." When asked about his possible overreaction to the situation, Evan replied "Well, he shouldn't have poured beer on the cat."

And so the day went on with much ridicule and laughter about the events surrounding Buster's dousing. Joe was soon forgiven and would return to the porch on other days, starting fights over things that are just as stupid.